Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
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