Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I haven't been this sober since birth.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This house was built for laser tag.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
