He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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