Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
