You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
