Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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