enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
