In the future we'll all be gay
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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