Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
