Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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