I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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