He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
bring money and cleavage
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
