Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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