Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
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