so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
There's always time for handjobs
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
