He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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