Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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