so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
