in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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