when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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