the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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