Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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