Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
