He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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