I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
