Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
