Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
