If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
organizing the empties. That sober.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Randomize
