I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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