i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I said "one day" and that day is not today
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
