hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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