awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
