I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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