why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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