but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
