You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
