you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
