sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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