Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
