Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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