enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
