just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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