I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
