my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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