Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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