if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
