Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
