i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
