Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
