Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
