Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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