I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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