So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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